I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
