you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
