Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
