How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Randomize
