i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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