My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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