So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
