Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
