I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
ttyl tear gas
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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