I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
