Whod you bang
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
