My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
