i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
