i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
