just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
operation have a gay friend backfired
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
