This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I have fence marks all over my body
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
