kristin has been a bad kristin
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
