can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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