Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
