He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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