at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Everyone says I win the strip club
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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