If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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