i was born a porn star she said
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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