How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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