so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Randomize
