At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
