You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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