No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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