you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
