Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
