That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
