Acid is not a monday night drug
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You made out with two different species that night
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
