It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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