who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
