I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
