I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
