i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
