I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
