I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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