based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
