Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
