Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
