"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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