My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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