The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
