ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
