genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
