yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
