She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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