I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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