Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
