Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Dignity is for republicans.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
