Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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