you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Randomize
