Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
